Thursday, June 30, 2016

Emerging from immersion

It's been several years since I stopped believing in astrology and it's time to look back at how it has changed me. I used to be quite devoted to natal charts. As I think I've mentioned before, I chose to immerse myself in the world of astrology because it helped me make sense of an infinitely complex world. It helped me put people in categories, and it helped me think of personality in a way that was more manageable than otherwise. But since I began listening to atheist voices, I was introduced to critiques of astrology that I just couldn't argue against. I began to see that my belief was unfounded, and embraced the reasoning that exposed it as faulty.
In many ways, it's been a relief to disentangle myself from the astrological system. Far from always being deep and perceptive, I knew that I could be shallow and miss important details (like astrology being a fraud itself). Far from always being passionate about subjects, I could be non-commitical, diplomatic and detached. These qualities, being drummed into my head as the unshakeable foundations of Scorpio-ness. It was an immense relief to extract myself from the mindset that I was always going to be treated with suspicion. I've stopped being searched at airport security. I feel lighter, more carefree. Not always being the deepest person around, although in some senses I still aim for that, because it's rewarding.
Perhaps more notably, I no longer make it my business to categorise people. Everyone is a potential friend! It has opened up a world of possibilities, and I feel like the world is a kinder place because of this. I would shut myself off from people whom I judged as not having certain qualities. I no longer place people in boxes they have to fight against to win my approval. I have become less judgemental, and I love it.
Invariably, there is a sense of loss. I spent so much time, money and energy on astrology in the past. I passed up perfectly nice people in favour of my blind beliefs about their unsuitability for me. I regret that now. However, I try to focus on the present, and I know that I'm making the most of my mental faculties now - reaching out to people regardless of their star sign, neglecting to even ask what it is. Every so often I'll meet someone who still believes in astrology, and I'll remember how stubbornly I held to it. I am so thankful to be out of that game. 

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