Saturday, December 17, 2016

Decalibrating

I was finely attuned to my astrological profile. I had trained myself to be passionate, yes, but also obsessive. It just occurs to me that perhaps Scorpios have 'the worst reputation in the zodiac' because Anglo-Saxon majority Western countries are deeply suspicious of intense emotions. Otherwise that archetype would be just as celebrated as any. There should be a place for deep, dark, turbulent, messy, overpowering emotional states. Instead, we have a cultural aversion to depth of feeling. It's not fair.

I've titled this post 'decalibrating' because I would manage my personality to be always in alignment with Scorpionic traits. I cannot undo the negative effects of this all in one go. I need to slowly get more ambiguous. Borrow from the different personality profiles that I always gravitated to, but never felt like I could own.

It's not all negative. I enjoy being deep, eccentric (Aquarius moon, hello ;) ) and aesthetically pleasing (hello to the Libra ascendant!). Due to chance, my personality profile as dictated by astrology was full of contradictions. I embraced the idea of contradictions from an early age. I even had a bottle of Calvin Klein's Contradiction perfume as a teen. "With a spritz of Contradiction, I'm off," I would say.

Here and now, I have the opportunity to diversify. To create different styles of relating to the world. To walk through the world with infinitely more power of choice. To know that I am responsible for wherever I take myself next. I have gone from an actor in a play, to the writer of the script. This pleases me. I hope other people, too, can appreciate what it means to be free of the astrology metanarrative.

I do not know who my audience is here. My girlfriends have never taken astrology seriously. Most of the people I know don't talk about it, so I assume they don't have an interest in the topic. I have two Facebook friends who I know are into it, but I feel uncomfortable approaching them with my views. I know I wouldn't have liked it if the situation was reversed and they tried to convert me to their view.

I remember reading chapters about Leos, and thinking 'I enjoy those kinds of people'. Perhaps because culturally I've been conditioned to heartily enjoy entertainment and good times, be the life of the party (even though I'm an introvert), or, at the very least, contribute to a festive atmosphere. Eastern European socialising is an exuberant affair. You see, we grow up shaped by a wide range of factors - cultural, social, political, and personal. I found an analogy floating around the internet: A Finnish extravert is similar to an Italian introvert. Often we see extraversion and introversion in oppositional terms, yet there are so many cultural renderings of these qualities to complicate such a theory.

I also find aspects of astrology very sexist. Half of the zodiac is associated with 'the feminine', and the other half with the 'masculine' energies. Feminine energy is passive, emotional... basically, all the stereotypes you've ever associated with a gender binary. This makes astrology built on conservative precepts. It makes sense, then, that the more conservative you are, the more likely you are to believe in it. It also explains why my belief in astrology didn't sit well with many of my other beliefs, such as the problematic state of all meaning-making systems. Over time, postmodernism, feminism and atheism combined to make me question my belief - to take previous doubts to the next level, and undermine them completely. Let's just say that it's been a long time since I did anyone's natal chart.

Yes, I'm bitter. But I'm also trying to be curious. What else can I let go of? 

No comments:

Post a Comment