The Sanity Test

She said "I don't think
I could pass the sanity test,"
As she looked down
Not in guilt but in sorrow
Sorrow for me
And my hardline self-censorship
Overriding my
Long-cultivated rebelliousness
The kind that had me unafraid
To go out with uncombed hair,
Bra-less or with mismatched socks

Well, I did go braless
Just the other day
It made me so uncomfortable
I grimaced in self-contempt

*

What would it mean
To own a condo in Chiang Mai
It would keep me real
A reminder that most people
Do not live in developed countries
A base in between two continents
That are etched into my soul
But so is Asia
And Chiang Mai is one of its
Crowning jewels
And I miss it
Even as I yearn
For a European consciousness
Minus the racism

Grace emanating from charming art
Censored-censored, cannot start
A smile for every and for no occasion
Buddhist calm at every station

No amisulpride, but I can always import that
But the conditions which necessitate its need
May keep me from blooming in that lovely heat

Fight to maintain
My capitalist posture
But real concerns remain
Among them fears of enclosure

How close to Thailand can I get?
I had a friend, but lost her
I loved and lost without regret
And now I long for another