Biden won, the Pfizer vaccine was announced, and I got a new laptop - all in the course of a week.
Newly be-PC'ed, I recall many nights of searching the sky blue background on a Microsoft Word document for the words that would make it all OK. I remember not to limit my search for psychologists to Sydney, because, with Skype or Zoom, the world is my oyster. It's possible there is a Swedish or Nordic psychologist marketing herself as feminist, and I can absorb her unconscious values alongside her bold, conscious strides, as she shows me how to improve my self-care practices.
The future is as 'up in the air' as always, though I have to be honest with myself and admit that moving to New Zealand doesn't elicit a 'Hell Yeah' response. (According to Derek Sivers, if something's worth prioritising, it comes with a strong positive response.) So I don't know what I'm going to do. And I'm going to live with that uncertainty for now.
Thinking about existential burdens of freedom lately... the moment I consider committing to a long-term project, I eat away at my conviction until it collapses. Coach Xena Jones says 'Everything you want is on the other side of discomfort.' I have a feeling my insecurities will continue to be in the driver's seat until I pay for good help.
Here are some ideas I have for possible long-term projects:
- Write a book
- Become fluent in a language (other than English or Bulgarian)
- Lose weight and keep it off by changing my diet permanently
Even writing more often on this blog would be grand. It would be a stepping stone to the discipline required to write a super long-form text. I could keep myself accountable through documenting my progress in language learning, and/or reaching a healthier diet.
Here are some thoughts I have on each of those goals:
- I have a book idea (too nascent to share)
- I know I want to learn either Spanish OR Swedish OR Finnish OR French
- I know I can reduce my portions long-term (because I've done it in the past)
If I were advising myself I would say: Pick just one goal. Consider which would be the most beneficial, all things considered. Is the prospect of making money through a book more compelling than being able to move to Finland or Sweden? Is creating a healthier physicality a bigger boost than the above?
Do I trust myself to be honest with a psychologist, so that they can help me organise all these random can-do impulses?
Can I be more honest with myself?
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