Immigration, Tall Poppy Syndrome and Exceptionality

Once, when I was small, I looked for an opportunity to show off to my Australian friends. I imagined them co-conspiring with my narrative of success, so that, for a brief moment, I would have my time in the sun. I was accustomed to the elation of these socially sanctioned tributes to greatness amongst Bulgarian communities, and, despite what I knew about Tall Poppy Syndrome, thought I could magically evade its censure if I willed it so. 

You can guess what happened next: social disapproval and being 'taken down' - the opposite of the self esteem boost I had been after. I would go on to have a conflicted relationship with the philosophy of social levelling, until the moment when I secretly embraced it. Much later, I would probably over-empathise with my sense of mediocrity, because a psychologist tried to nudge me in the direction of acknowledging my greatness. 

Let's backtrack a bit... it was 2001 and I had just received my Universities Admission Index of 88.2. You would think that I would have been happy with a very high mark which allowed me to enter any university of my choosing. Instead I was relieved that I received notice of it in Vancouver, which meant that fewer people from high school would ask about it directly. If I am honest, I am still ashamed of not having broken through the 90 threshold, even as I remember the tedium of exam training and my psychological problems at the time. 

Perhaps now is the time to reframe my achievements: Being in a school of exceptional students made me no less exceptional. Again: I was exceptional. And: I am still exceptional. 

I can derive value from acknowledging my exceptionality, even though I wouldn't say I was exceptional out loud. For me, exceptional means: producing brilliance where none was expected or required. Exceptional means: Knowing my strengths, reinforcing that knowledge, and making that reinforcement habitual. Exceptional means: Trusting myself to have my own and other people's interests at heart. Exceptional means: Returning to my sense of resonance and lyricism. 

If you're reading this, I have a feeling you would do well to tell yourself you are exceptional too.