Sunday, 27 March 2011

Pursuing Your Dream

People are always telling me to follow my dream(s), to the extent that I've recently been thinking about this indepth. In some sense, I am living my dream. In some sense, I have a long way to go.

In what sense am I living my dream?

I have eliminated one after another of a long list of partly alluring but ultimately destructive career choices, and stripped it all down to 'the written and spoken word'. When I visited Artists' Square at Montmartre I wanted to purchase some drawing / painting materials and make a little space for myself on the plaza, weaving myself into the fabric of Paris society. My dad wasn't so enchanted with the idea, and so we returned to Sydney. The art I have created has actually received a lot of praise, and I have often thought that if I focused on it, I could make money through it.

In another life, I would love to be a psychologist, an interior designer, an Information Technology person, a photographer, a film director, a sociologist, a politician, an architect, an actor, a dancer... you get the idea.

Even as a 'writer', I'm always asking myself 'what kind of writing do I most want to do'? The questions evoked by that are always changing.

'Am I primarily a poet?'
'Is postmodern philosophy something I should take more seriously?'
'Should I focus on being more eloquent, or more direct?'
'Should I try to write a longer text, or a stream of witticisms (very short texts)?'

'Should I write about [feminism, sexual orientation, the creative process, etc] more or less?'
Should I follow up on something I've previously written, or forget everything I've ever written?

The fact that I have some a clear goal (Write!) and that it leads to so many questions is a sign that I am following my dreams.

Ways I could be living my dream further?

Becoming financially independent is something I haven't yet been able to do, and it's something which I'm preparing myself to tackle. However, there is a lot of fear of failure involved in this, because my previous attempts to 'have it all' while moving to another continent haven't worked out. (This happened three times, on three different continents, by the way.) So I guess this is where I learn from my mistakes and note the successes behind them.

Someone once suggested to me that if I wanted to move to Europe but didn't know exactly where to base myself, I should start off with London, so I can adjust to life on the continent, and then see where I go from there.

I know that I see Stockholm in my future - it's a place where almost everyone speaks near-flawless English, yet still gives me a foreign language to learn; I know that I find Barcelona irresistable also. I'm not completely sure about Paris, because it's not on the sea, and the people can be rather pretentious and Anglophone-phobic.

But this is the easy part: Deciding which society I want to join.
The hardest part is making enough money to be able to support myself, wherever I am.

I heard someone (I forget who) say that, these days, writing a book is a good way to boost your profile. Well, perhaps I can write books on the side, as a way of maintaining my blogging practice... :o)

The Motivated Learner

One of the areas I identify myself as having a strong interest in is studies of sexual orientation. I have never received any formal training in this area. None was available in high school (we briefly discussed homosexuality in one PE/Health/PD lesson (- that's Physical Education / Health / Personal Development -) but that was it. At university I was in an Introduction to Feminism course for a few weeks, and that was about as close as I got to anything resembling 'queer studies'. Some universities do offer these courses, but mine didn't.

However, I had been busy learning outside the classroom from the age of fifteen, when I first became aware of finding females sexually appealing. I read encyclopedias, social commentary, personal accounts, history books, relationship and sex advice, more statistics and anything else I could get my hands on during those first couple of years. I was intrigued by how I had forged an entirely new dimension of experience. It was exciting to re-evaluate my perceptions, indulge my curiosity and stray way off the well-trodden path (or what I perceived it to be, anyway).

So when I listen to Sugata Mitra speak (allude?) to the tenacity of those who develop an interest in learning complex things on their own, I pay attention. There's nothing more motivational than finding your unique journey in life, which might be guided by your mentors, but should never be dictated by them.

It wasn't until Years 11 and 12 that I really started devouring the English education I was getting - in previous years, I had felt like I had had to adopt affected stances in responding to literature, which often didn't intersect deeply with the experience I had had with the text. It seemed like there was a 'set' way to take pleasure in, and speak of, literature, and I always had to adopt mannerisms which didn't come naturally in order to play by the marker's rules.

During the last two years of high school, however, my interest in learning became extreme, due to a shift in the way we were asked to look at literature. The syllabus had become more postmodern! The emphasis was now on such things as a gaps and silences within the text, and we were introduced to a number of traditional critical perspectives (Marxist, psychoanalytical, feminist, postmodern), to just name two of the changes. I was very enthusiastic about the new educational tools I was offered, and my grades in English became the highest they had ever been. That was at the beginning of year 11. Two years later, I still got very high marks, but I felt like I wasn't as encouraged to inform my existential crises by the material I was learning as much - at that point, the teaching had become all about refining exam technique, and I was left with just a simulacra of the original inspiration to guide me through.

A keen student of people and the way they form and reshape their perspectives, I was bored.

At university I learnt about narrativity, and how to write about it. I learnt about poetry, and how to take more pride in my fragmentation. I eventually came to the conclusion that university was too limiting, and that I had a fervent desire to design my own education - an education which was informed by the best of the techniques I had already learnt, but could not be created within a system in which the worst of the techniques were firmly entrenched.

An education is what you make of it. Even the dullest of permanent influences can play a charmed role in your development of brilliance. Going through the education system is no guarantee of living a passionate, fully engaged and personally meaningful life. For me, the first step I had to take to drastically redesign my life, was to say goodbye to the University of New South Wales, and all the dreams my parents, teachers and peers had associated with becoming the popularly socially acceptable version of successful.

These days I pay close attention to what happens in academia, and also in the marketplace... it's good to know what's going on, even though it rarely intersects with my personal style of writing. And despite all the conformity I am constantly shaking my head at, reading widely means that I also find many inspiring texts which compel me to stay in an ultra-creative zone for as long as possible.

What is your own story with, around or against the educational systems you've known?

Saturday, 26 March 2011

Into Inequality


Pretty girl.
How far can we hurl
Her away from the position
Of authority that we wield?

My most cherished brother,
We must group together
So women don’t get closer
To us or each other
Than they currently remain
We couldn't possibly handle
Facing our vulnerabilities
We'll rule out that option
Again and again

Our intimacy coloured
By our brilliant insecurities
Dulled sense of idealism
Cruelly neglecting our inner pain
The most question-raising entities
Are the ones we'll have erased
From the spectrum, the scope and the range

Something somewhere went wrong
And we'll spend a lifetime pretending
That we're sufficiently moved by the inherited song
Too busy to innovate because we're hung up on ending

So much for your hopes of reintegrating
Your dislocated poignant refrain
Within your body of fragments
When the worst thing one can call another
Is the space between a woman's legs


Take a break
Travel far
You're not entitled 
To such baggage
Can't you see
You crave an equal


Gender inequality is a state we tend recreate
Find a better place within yourself
Then you can light the way for everyone else
 
*

The Poetic Process


The first line
Kind of sets the bar
We'll see what we can bring to it
By now I've realised I've
Made the wrong start
And too discouraged to go on,
I say: to Hell with it!

Thursday, 24 March 2011

What is an education?

How can we improve - no, change - no, revolutionise our current educational systems? Two men offer two different and groundbreaking theories:





Monday, 21 March 2011

Swept Away

We meet by the river, you are open to suggestion
I am your distorted mirror- radiating desire back at you
You are the Answer to my Question, which I pretend to accept
You cannot find a resting place in my bed of deconstructed duality
I cannot find a home in your harshly muttered finalities
So we're kneeling close-by in soft, stubbly grass
Relishing each other in a way not designed to last
Today it matters not what you lack
We lean our bodies forward, toss our heads back
You reach for my arm and I
Dissolve in distress
Upset at my dream life,
Ever an elaborate mess
But I know it won't be long, won't be long
Before I've found the courage to move on

Sunday, 20 March 2011

[Write your own title!]

[Write your own poem!]