Living through something disruptive

For a week now I've been mainly going outside after the hours of 8pm. Even so, this Saturday night, I chose to skip a sojourn around my suburb. I needed the avoidance of stressful touching of door handles, lift buttons and other such surfaces. I'm sure I'll resume tomorrow.

So far, as far as I know, I don't have the coronavirus, but a part of me expects to contract it despite the precautions I'm taking.

I dived deep into a heady tale yesterday, the vividly drawn Eastern European setting disturbing me. I hope I sleep better this morning. For morning is a better descriptor than night.

Dua Lipa plays on Channel V and it's slightly disconcerting, possibly too heteronormative.

I maintain my innocence, and my immersion in the world of post-traumatic growth.

A book by Sophie Hardcastle. Article in The Guardian. A downloaded chapter. An exquisite fear of another woman's hellscape. A decision to disengage.

The offensive doctor brought something to my attention (before I left his office forever). I wanted to bring my whole self along to the next man's office. Let him be discomforted. Let me bring all of my tricky, hard-won knowledge. Let the full canopy of my well-tended psyche wrench his certainty far from where he'd hoped. 

South Korea shows Hollywood how it’s done

I’m inordinately pleased to witness ‘Parasite’ win the Best Picture award at the Oscars. This film did not miss a single beat in creating a tonally immersive experience. Despite the violence contained within, I was transformed enough to see it twice.

In ‘1917’ we had the filmmaking community revisit its fetish for war, something I’m just not up for.

If we are to promote peace, we need to depict scenes upon scenes depicting peace. Building peace, one kind gesture at a time, takes a willingness to focus on the more palatable parts of humanity - the capacity for people to be sweet to each other, our ability to give our time, attention and sympathy where we didn’t even know we could, the frequent instinct to soothe, reassure and encourage.

‘Parasite’ had some scenes where siblings bond, the father demonstrates his pride for his son, and the closely knit nature of the poor family is implied by their filling of the screen together, a coherent unit.  I’ll take it. Give me more of the same. Let it grow, multiply, flourish. Let it be the main theme of the narrative. Let it touch those hard to reach places in my soul, the ones crying out for more representations for love and affection - so that I can mirror what I see on the big screen. I want to learn by osmosis. Picture me, directors. Picture me. 

Flow

She wondered if she'd look up more often if she wore contacts, because glasses meant that her line of sight was limited to the frames. Lenses had a way of getting her in trouble, though. And she enjoyed the impression of intellectualism that her glasses imparted. Glasses it was. 

She swept her gaze up and down the harbour-side shops, as if painting them enchanting. The First Nations art shop was shut, but the artistic display of gourmet chocolate experiences would tickle her imagination. 

In the back of her mind she had a vision of rapid co-mingling of disparate concepts, or intuitive fusion of previously mismatched notions. It looked likely that she would reach such a state of honouring her curiosity. 

Patriarchy, again: the warm lashes of rain upon two glowing Asian figures. Not quite as phallic as the oblongs of the cityscape they overlooked, they mustered up an unmistakably male energy, twins of blue and red, lotuses and stripes entangled in a merry symphony within. Look, how those yellows accentuate the integrity of the whole - and that lower bit looks like Korean royal mint, but how can it be? She's pretty sure this tribute is Chinese. 

In a nutshell

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I don't need those 15 minutes of fame. My anonymity in a public place is a luxury. I don't want the hate mail that stardom would bring, and while it would be nice to reach some more rare and beautiful souls along the way, I'm making do with my private, peaceful life.

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Poem

I have ambitions, goals and dreams
I take no action
I subsist on others’ texts
Creating none myself

A strong sense of identity
Strongly muted, held back, lost
Engraving poems on the ocean
Watching them float off

Churlish on the inside
But forced to act all smooth
It feels like self-betrayal
Like two faced plenitude

The resources bloom abundant
But the encroaching facade restrains
In the dark and broken quiet
I recollect my name

Meandering whilst in Melbourne

Things I like about myself (V3.0)

1. I am highly creative, whether that comes out through singing, writing, photography, drawing, in conversation, fashion, everyday 'choreography' or through other ways.

2. I am highly intelligent. I also cultivate a mindset that values high intelligence in myself and others.

3. I am a nonconformist in many ways.

4. I have prioritised travel in my life whenever possible.

5. I am good with money. (e.g. I'm good at staying within budgetary restraints.)

6. I have hopes and dreams for the future.

7. I have continued on my unique and self-curated educational journey, which has seen me experience two top universities, and ultimately move beyond them, so that I can learn in ways better suited to my nonconformist outlook. I value learning, education, curiosity and asking questions.

8. I have learned (broken) Spanish through disciplined study of the online DuoLingo course.

9. I have also spent time studying other languages: French, German and Swedish.

10. I am an avid reader. This year I've read 25 books.

11. I have overcome misogynistic violence to empower myself through feminism. My feminism involves in-depth reading, as well as volunteering in the community.

12. I value volunteering and enjoy helping other people.

13. I am politically engaged.

14. I practice self-compassion, mindfulness and I sometimes meditate.

15. I value friendship.

16. I seek inspiration from other writers and creative people. (e.g. I listen to podcasts, attend film festivals, speeches and other events.)

17. I have been blogging for about 13 years. Writing regularly is a good way to hone my talents.

18. I am doing my best to enjoy the aspects of my family life that can be enjoyed, while seeking intellectual and spiritual satisfaction elsewhere.

19. I am openminded.

20. I seek not to hurt other people.