I don't feel that I live in a world that can be described as safe. All my adult life I have classed myself as non-conforming, but it must be said there are limits to the resistant strategies I can deploy in terms of self-actualisation. Certain forms of rebellion, such as embodying radical sexual agency as a woman, or claiming uncommon amounts of dignity and certitude for my bisexuality, or negating white supremacy, can land me in hot water. If I get 'too angry', I will be discredited. If I indulge my eccentricities, I may be thought of as too mad. It doesn't take much for me to envision a space where I am outcast, abused or even confined to a psychiatric ward.
It's true I have privilege in Australia that, say, an atheist living in Nigeria would not. But while expressing atheist views to deeply religious people isn't going to land me in an institution (unlike this poor person), I can still expect to feel shunned by them. To have my voice muted, or text written out of the bigger narrative.
And then there are those that question the inner workings of the Washington DC elite. Julian Assange, Chelsea Manning and Edward Snowden, to name a few. Heck, I can't even question American exceptionalism without killing someone's sacred cow.
For a long time I have been against American exceptionalism, imperialist and patriarchal white supremacist foreign policy, but it's rare the person I divulge it all to. Too much of it is 'the air we breathe' in Australia and abroad. Europeans are more understanding than Australians, but I still feel quite disinclined to share my inner expressions. Sometimes I even mute those expressions to avoid the anger or discordance they would necessitate.
Things are not alright, in too many ways which remain hidden to the majority. My safety is dependent on being vigilant - a vigilance which is at best not encouraged, and at worst threatened by right wingers. I sometimes feel I must, too, smile, pretend all is alright. I long to return to the private sphere where I can be in the company of my unrestricted thoughts. Perhaps, in my own company, I can finally uncover the safety that informs me and gives me the platform I need to keep up the non-conformity.
