The Conundrum

 'It's been a while since I watched CNN,' I thought to myself. Tuning into a live speech of Biden, the following thought process commenced: "This is mostly a throwback to Obama times... except that we're stuck with an old, white, heterosexual man... I bet GLBTIs will have their own section in the White House website soon... but Biden has been accused of rape... oh good, more aggressive on China... wait, am I endorsing American foreign policy aggression?"

Fast forward to an hour ago, I was ready to make a statement on facebook about withdrawing from political activism. I even proposed everyone join me in celebrating calm, promoting peace, and imbibing tranquility. But while I'm ready for a more harmonious headspace, it's hard to tell the people you know, the majority of whom you befriended explicitly for their politics, that you are no longer in the mood. 

But I have to be honest: I want to be more like Zadie Smith, breathing in beauty whenever possible, not entering yet another toxic online discussion. My conflict avoidant ways are having a comeback. But more than that, I've been through more than my fair share of hardship in this life, and, having reaching a semi-stable environment, I just want to let down my guard, relax, and connect over art and stuff. 

So sue me. *sticks out tongue*

Saying Goodbye to Online Dating

I deactivated my OkCupid account a few days ago, and am already thinking about how to create the conditions to make both friends and potential partners offline. This is an almost 180 degree turn from how I’ve approached socialising and dating in the last six years, so I thought you might like to know how I got here.

The waning of my enthusiasm for the online dating experience started a year or two ago, with an article that revealed that it was not in the companies’ interests to matchmake successfully. Rather, the longer you were a customer on their service, the more money they could make off you, should you stop browsing long enough to click on their advertising.

The article went on: The impression that there was ‘always someone better’ around the corner, especially on sites like OkC that almost never run out of potential profiles for you to consume, can make you pass by matches with whom you are compatible, because they don’t correspond to some pre-conceived concept of perfection.

The seeds of doubt were set. 

Along came Jon Birger, who spoke and wrote of the significantly longer period of time relationships begun in real life lasted, as opposed to online ones. 

Crucially, he articulated the intangible aspects of compatibility which were impossible to tell from text alone, like how you respond physically to a person, whether their level of dynamism is a good energetic match, and if you enter a natural flow of conversation.

The final blow came when I realised that while my three relationships since 2015 had all lasted a year or two, my longest relationship by far was with OkCupid itself - here I was in 2021, still believing it was serving me. I had become that gullible repeat customer.

And so, I quit!

Poem (Untitled)

Trudging after alternating renditions of the blues

Hoping to nail down an impressive collection

Anticipating moments when I can fly into the blue

Soar, to be amongst the fruits of contemplation 

I lurk outside in daylight hours

Basking in the Sydney vibe

I search their fleeting gazes

For the tell-tale remains

Of a person asking 

'Why?'