Once upon a time, back in the early days of Sydney Girls High, I decided to 'enlighten' one of my classmates on the topic of homosexuality. She emitted silent disapproval and kept her distance from me (until a few years later, when I came out as queer). I was pretty surprised at the time that this Anglo-Saxon Australian didn't agree with my homophobic views, but being exposed to a stance different than mine made me curious as to what in the world she was thinking.
It was through a process of continual engagement with the people and texts around me that I decided to change my mind. It was through empathising with a black American lesbian fictional character at fifteen, that I realised I could relate to her romantic and sexual experiences. Empathising with a black person wouldn't have happened without a sensitive and curious response to the study of slavery and the Civil Rights Movement, and having peer groups predominantly made up of Asian girls. Australian liberal democracy took me on, and we won together. Now it's my job to keep the dialogue ongoing. There are people who are full of fear like I used to be, who are struggling to make sense of this multi-faceted world. They lash out, they speak with greater certainty than they feel, they perform hate, because they don't know any different. And yet, we democracy fans make a space for them. At first ensuring our own safety, we then open up a space for their views to be debated, discussed. We engage with as much respect as possible. We allow for difference of opinion. Not because we are weak, but because we can be role models in our open-mindedness. We can help others learn from us.
Homophobic views are intolerant, but intolerance isn't going away. The only way to change someone is to engage with their views, and give them the freedom to come around to your way of thinking in their own time. You'd be surprised how many people change their mind when they realise that there's little incentive to be a hate-monger, and you can live a happier and more peaceful life by opening your mind. But for that to happen, we have to be open to a public sphere where we may at any moment encounter something which hurts our feelings, or undermines our values. There is no easy solution for this, but self-love/self-care practices go a long way. :)
