Who doesn’t enjoy biting into the layers of sugary goodness that is a freshly baked - and artfully presented - French pastry?
Who doesn’t savour every subliminally sexy beat of an original song that wafts over the radio at the right moment?
Women and non-binary people who fear being perceived as desiring too much, that’s who.
As Laurie Penny would say, women(, non-binary people and other feminised people) are relegated the role of being the desired object under patriarchy. It is far less socially acceptable for them to be doing the desiring! To welcome our natural and healthy desires becomes a work in progress, for those of us who aren’t willing to let patriarchy undermine our humanity.
I am not immune to censoring or downplaying my desires. I sometimes have a desire to lick my lips, when sharing good conversation with a friendly and attractive individual. This is socially acceptable in Europe, where people are more relaxed about incorporating sensuality in casual or friendly social interaction… and ‘uncomfortably provocative’ with most people in Australia. So I either feel like I’m suppressing my sensuality, or feeling non-verbally slut-shamed.
What I try to do is find novel ways to be intellectually stimulated and/or emotionally moved, in my daily conversations here. The pleasure of ideas, collaborated upon with people with different conceptual strengths (and weaknesses), is worth the effort.
But sometimes I can’t be bothered hiding sensual impulses when they arise. One way I can tell if I’m going to feel comfortable with someone in the long run, is if they’re laidback about me expressing a subtle kind of eroticism.
Something I feel more confident about is my tendency to frequently savour sweet treats, and indulge in the pleasures of arousing music. Maybe women, non-binary people and other feminised people can co-conspire and build each other up to find as much pleasure in life as possible. (Each of us has tips and tricks we can share.)
One leisurely afternoon in a LGBTIQ+ bookshop, my browsing took me to a chapter on masturbation in a book about women’s pleasure. And there was an idea there worth relaying: “How often should you masturbate? How much pleasure are you worth?”
Grab pleasure back from the patriarchy. Consult with other women and non-binary people on how to live life to your full potential. You have the power to work within the inevitable daily limitations, to experience as much pleasure as you could humanly want.
