I don’t know that I approach turning forty with as much thought as some others before me have done. I feel like I have good ethics of learning, which is to say I’m willing to expand my focus when needed (or desired) in any number of directions. That is one thing I can congratulate myself on for cultivating: a solid foundation geared towards flexibility.
Perhaps I can narrow my focus a little bit and meditate upon something I learnt in the last 12 months, which is the importance of losing interest in patterns, no matter how pervasive, that animated my past, but no longer serve me.
An old friend got back in touch with me and tried to re-establish our old dynamic. I felt myself recoil, because, while I did not know it at the time, that dynamic was infused with toxic positivity and psychological manipulation.
Something which once felt comforting, convivial and creatively inspiring, now felt like I was abandoning myself, and submitting to some kind of mental control. It was scary.
I had to say goodbye. I did not offer an explanation, though I felt guilty about the suddenness of my departure.
What I can offer now is a statement of what I want out of friendships:
- I want that person to value honesty, even when it’s uncomfortable and has potential to create negative feelings
- I want that person to be a feminist, because I treat myself as the equal of men, and I want my friend to also value my full humanity
- I want that person to have progressive values. The more progressive, the better.
- I want that person to be interested in international travel (regardless of how often they can get away)
I can say that, whatever else I may have learnt, making and enforcing boundaries in my friendships is going to serve me well for the next however many years I have to live.
Thank you, Epiphanie. Well done!
