It's one of the principles of (Buddhist) meditation: non-judgemental observation of whatever happens to be in your headspace in any given moment. I welcome this into my life. I flourish the more with every instance of non-judgementalness.
My mother told me a story recently about my early years. She was interested in me starting to walk. One day she placed something that would be of interest to me to obtain (an item) some distance away, and waited to see what would happen. I eyed the object longingly. For a long time. I was willing for me and it to meet. And then, finally, I began to move in a new way, towards the target, and managed to reach it.
I felt like what my mother had done was cruel. Instead of helping me physically in getting to my feet, she watched with detachment as I had to figure out how to get up all on my own. She frames the story as proof of my tenacity to get what I want - even if it's eventual. But I feel the force of maternal abandonment.
Reading bell hooks' 'All About Love,' she uses a definition of love to guide her journeys past and present: [Love] “as the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” bell notes that this definition of love excludes abuse, neglect or cruelty. Like her, I must acknowledge that while I was given care and affection when I was little, I was not given this kind of love.
Through my romantic relationships I have achieved loving connections, which I long to find again in this present instant. I'm so afraid that my doubts and insecurities keep me stuck in the prelude to love. I'm afraid of taking action. All the same, the search for love drives me, and when I'm motivated by the pursuit of something that's good for me, I have confidence in my knowhow. I will find a way - disabling judgement, enabling enthusiasm; facilitating sharing, reciprocity and openness.
My mother told me a story recently about my early years. She was interested in me starting to walk. One day she placed something that would be of interest to me to obtain (an item) some distance away, and waited to see what would happen. I eyed the object longingly. For a long time. I was willing for me and it to meet. And then, finally, I began to move in a new way, towards the target, and managed to reach it.
I felt like what my mother had done was cruel. Instead of helping me physically in getting to my feet, she watched with detachment as I had to figure out how to get up all on my own. She frames the story as proof of my tenacity to get what I want - even if it's eventual. But I feel the force of maternal abandonment.
Reading bell hooks' 'All About Love,' she uses a definition of love to guide her journeys past and present: [Love] “as the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” bell notes that this definition of love excludes abuse, neglect or cruelty. Like her, I must acknowledge that while I was given care and affection when I was little, I was not given this kind of love.
Through my romantic relationships I have achieved loving connections, which I long to find again in this present instant. I'm so afraid that my doubts and insecurities keep me stuck in the prelude to love. I'm afraid of taking action. All the same, the search for love drives me, and when I'm motivated by the pursuit of something that's good for me, I have confidence in my knowhow. I will find a way - disabling judgement, enabling enthusiasm; facilitating sharing, reciprocity and openness.
No comments:
Post a Comment