Friday, May 7, 2010

Fragments of Resistance

Reading back my post before last, I should point out that my enthusiasm for visiting Thailand earlier this year were so low because I had just returned from there in November... While I only dote on Thailand so much because I love it, there are many other places in the world I am anxious to know and love, which is why my expectations were subdued. All the same, I had a super time and came back with a big, radiant grin on my face... and I plan to visit again many times, to discover the secrets of the other southern hotspots (everywhere from Ko Chang to Songkhla), and chase after more northern gems like Mae Hong Son...

Have you heard of narrative therapy? (If not, here's the Wikipedia page.) I am considering getting some counseling over the web from Ash Rehn, the guy behind 'Forward Therapy'. He's probably not the first or only person to offer help through chat, emails or Skype, but he appeals to me due to his focus on gay and lesbian culture. The only problem is that I'm kind of short on cash at this moment. Maybe I can just work on my problems by writing about them? (Or typing them out, as the case may be...)

This new blog leads me to savour new styles of ensconcing vowels between consonants. I often heard words, phrases and sentences in my head before I type them out, and I think it's artificial... like I won't communicate if the components don't seem plausible from a certain view of what is socially acceptable, although it's only my view that I hold. I guess I'm placing undue consideration upon various voices that I encounter and reproduce inside, even though I know they're not productive for me. I'd like to thoroughly cleanse my mind from this cacaphony I create inside my head, yet I don't feel I can open up to just anyone... in fact, deep thinkers and feelers are often not available when I'm in need.

I guess I could be doing more to attract them.

Are you getting what you want out of life? What about what you need? Is this a worthwhile distinction?

For the first time, I'm realising that travel can have some drawbacks as well... for example, I don't have any motivation to create a sustainable work practice which will last for a long time because whatever kind of routines I introduce into my schedule, I will have to throw out the window when I leave for the northern hemisphere this June. In some ways, I look forward to my return in August! :o)

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